If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
