You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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