So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
