Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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