I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
