youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
