you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
