She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
