i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
