I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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