What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
