wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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