after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
