and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
