Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
