I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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