I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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