I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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