Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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