I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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