Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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