Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
