i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
