I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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