epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
