he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
