What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
