No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
