Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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