Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
