wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
