Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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