All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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