Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
