my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
