I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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