Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
