Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
