Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
