I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
