i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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