I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
