I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
