it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
