Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
