so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
