he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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