my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
