Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
