all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
